TEST, Self Deprecation;Fat  is Fun

Food was always my favorite thing and I guess you could have figured that out by looking at me.  I’m short to say the least, peaking at a whopping 5’5” with parents at 5’1” and 5’5”, you could say I have a lot of potential to be at least 6 feet. Now at 5’5” basketball is of course my sport, I can dunk, I can hit a layup in traffic, I block the tallest guys out there, this being in a world of oompaloompas that I wish I could live in but, no I live in the society where 5’9” is average height and 6’ is the right height. Not only am I pint sized but I also weigh 200 pounds, how tremendous, right?   Imagine what my BMI is. I mean, I’m short and fat, no irony or fakeness there, just truth, my BMI puts me at “SEVERLEY OVERWEIGHT”.   All caps too and in red, why are bad things always red and usually in bold letters, like I wouldn’t put “rose” in capital letters, but it is red and it’s a good thing. But I guess ROSE, actually that does make it better, and roses have thorns.  Sorry, neglect the last sentence, I proved myself false.  Anyways, being big has allowed me to do many things like being the person to take the heavy stuff, like for whatever reason, fat is related to strong, I don’t get it. Or being the “wall” the person who stops everything and is supposed to be a solid thing and not move, Yea, that is hard to do when people take it as “lets get as many people as we can and try to push Chris” which unsurprisingly leads to massive bruising and a good trampling.  I also get out of a lot of things,”I can’t get up I’m fat and slow” and that works sometimes. Then you get the smart people who say “get your butt up you need the exercise”. Thanks bud I’m glad you could tell me the facts I know already.  Being large also could get awkward but has led to funny times. This includes the snob of a child in front of you, (even if he is 4) that says to his mother “I’m getting old and I’m a big boy now” turns to me “Oh but I don’t want to be that big of a boy” pointing at yours truly. Now that’s just one of the may instances of child mistreatment, that deep, deep down inside I hate with a passion and want to strangle the child but I realize that is not nice, and it may be a little illegal. Like the time at my job that a I was watching was misbehaving and his comeback to my scrutiny was “well you’re short, fat and dumb, I’m almost as tall as you, lose some weight, fatty.” Yes he said the fatty part was necessary and no I didn’t report him to my supervisor because I was proud of him, well upset but non the less, the kid was a straight gangsta so I let him go with a warning.  Anyways, being big isn’t to bad, I mean the best part is when you’re with a group of friends and the skinniest eats like three French fries and everybody’s like “ how can you eat that much” and I’m just sitting there with 2 burgers, large fry a milkshake and a DIET shoda, there is it again, the bold and red lettering, and at that a way to overused joke. In any case, Fat is Fun, if you’re fat you’re funnier (proven fact) and I like to eat.