Pantoum:  Gone

The light that shone is dead

It was bright for years

Now, the dark has shed,

The first layer finally nears

 

It was bright for years

The shine has left

The first layer finally nears

A stolen object, a heartless theft

 

The shine has left

Along with my soul

A stolen object, a heartless theft

All that lies inside is an endless hole

 

Within it has bore

The light that shone is dead

The same thing I fought for

Now, the dark has shed

321 poem style
Poem 1

I whistle a tune,

My thoughts become strewn,

A whole new world appears

With nothing but fury

Eyes well with tears

I race as if in a hurry

Everything goes,

And I realized I had dozed,

Into a world like no other

A world with no laws

A world where you have no brother

You can’t escape these claws

For a dream,

Is a dream, is a dream.

Feelings about Poem 1

I felt as though this poem was not well done I thought for it switch from a jokingly almost limerick-esque poem to more serious and back to a sillier poem. Many of the lines are poorly thought out and somewhat bland. A lot of the lines also don’t make much sense which even if a poem doesn’t have to make sense necessarily I would like it to.  The rhyme scheme is odd it has an aabcbcddefefgg and is hard to read. Plus the syllables that I put in make it harder to read, overall I will completely like to overhaul this poem and have it have completely new lines with similar ideas.

Poem 2

Endlessly falling, never landing, never ending, a joyride not wanted, a roller-coaster not ridden, no one is hidden, the nightmares that haunted,  always bending, silently standing, voices loudly calling, I short breath, so near to death, Then I awake, nothing more nothing fake, I had dreamed for two days, and nothing was left but a haze.

Feelings about Peom 2

I feel as though this overhauled poem was better, using different words to convey similar things. It still I feel showed different things to, but it still seems a bit off. It dashes around from place to place from one line to the next and also can get confusing, rhyme scheme was stranger this time than it was last time, with a: abcdeedcbaffgghh. I feel this is a slight improvement over the first poem but it still needs massive work to make it a good poem that I will myself appreciate, so I will overhaul it one more time adding more detail and keeping with the same idea as before but more oomph.

 

Poem 3ish

A dream can make a poor man rich, for a dream is an extension of life beyond you or me

A dream can make a rich man poor, for a dream is a digression of death beyond anyone

A dream has its good its bad and its life but, a dream cannot think, you, you can

A dream has its terrors its nightmares and its screams a dream can think when you let it  

A dream is good, the people you love, the people you don’t, and they fester inside of your head

A dream is bad, the people you hate, and the people you don’t, they eat at your soul

A dream is a life and a dream is a death don’t take what you have for granted

 

Poem 3ish

A dream is an extension to life

A dream is a digression to death

A dream cannot think but you, you can

A dream can think, if you let it in

A dream is good, people you love people you don’t

A dream is bad, people you hate people you don’t

Lost in the dark then blinded by light a dream is whatever you want

 

Feelings for both Poem 3ishes

One poem tells a lot the other I feel shows more I think of the three poems by far these are the best even if they have their major flaws.

 

Domoian rhyme

Do you see
Only a fool can know
Most of us can understand the end
Only
Most of all the souls may never mend
One more thought of pain go
Death to be



How to produce a Domoian rhyme
-7 lines: 3 syllables, 6 syllables, 9 syllables, 2syllables,9 syllables, 6 syllables, 3 syllables
-ABCDCBA
-First line starts with D second with O third with M fourth with O fifth with M sixth with O seventh with D

The Invader: synecdoce

The night was quiet as it had been for hours.  Cold and quiet the kids cocooned themselves in their blankets.  This was the night he snuck in.  Overweight, with a smell like no other, his crisp beard rustled as he rubbed it, he was quiet and fleet of foot but had a heaviness to him that made him the worst house invader that could be imagined.  Entering the house was his first misstep. He rattled everything and made an abrupt noise when he fell, sort of like a scream but quieter.  As he rummaged around he finally located what he needed and did the deed.  He looked around and saw a tree the most still tree he had ever witnessed calmly sitting seeming to wait for something he wondered what but then he noticed something else. The red and blue lights shown with the green being the brightest and the shine like no other he kind of light he danced away. Another light flew on in the house a man walked down stairs, but the invader had gone, out the way he came, seeming to disappear without a trace his deed done, the other man got his water and turned off the light. The night was silent again.